


Hopeless Wonderer

by LunaZee



Category: Personal - Fandom, Real life - Fandom
Genre: Depressing, Fucked Up, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Possibly Triggering, Real Life, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 06:30:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13875126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaZee/pseuds/LunaZee
Summary: just a little something i needed to get off my chest before i exploded. Being left with no one to turn to by my family, and no real friends just to listen ..its like freeform poemish. its sad but i keep good heart its changing. the life we have now is not the one we'll have tomorrow or even an hour in the future. if have past with depression id be cautious. songs inspired by mumford and sons.'broken crown''ghosts that we knew'and mostly'hopeless wonderer'





	Hopeless Wonderer

**Author's Note:**

> i may just make this into a story. i don't know, graphic warning bc i mention some things blood and things, just warning to you guys.. caution .

Hopeless Wanderer

Permanently roaming through the streets. I saw the dark differently always but this. Being without a place to lay your head, and warmth and protection of four walls to shield you from said cold darkness of the world, no choice but to see the truth.  
The neon lights the shady -at best- shops closed before the first ray of sun light hides for dusk, chills go up my spine, if these structures, made with gates -so only a small section un protected from the looks of their security a rhino running into the window,- and all sorts of protection close before night is even half way here , then what does that mean for the souls , that wonder with a purpose , past that? or those with none? like me. Nowhere to hide and breath safely. no. i have to see it all , live it all, chill stuck in my very bones my soul, fighting to stay warm, doe eyed that all is well, ignorantly naive, innocent..

No. I see it and it hurts. every core of my being, every part of me holding on tight to my limited items not because its heavy but because my virtue my morals, it won’t let me swallow down the unjust, the bullshit that has been my family's life, delusions, lies, the victim roll. I cannot. I refuse to let my past and the pains and trials define me make me think i am entitled to anything, have people pity me. 

who knew standing with the truth willing to grow and change to better understand the world and ever diversifying soul within me, would lead me to be left behind completely. used up emotionally mentally, the physical i stopped feeling a long time ago. 

I hold on to faith, not religious faith it goes beyond that. The images of the future, the light of the moon only little safety i find comfort in. As i walk down these pathways in the cold, tears hiding each time i blink, sob caught in my throat with each staggering breath i take of this cold dark seems to just burn into me down reaching to rip the painful sounds of my breaking point from me. 

I refuse. i do not and will not, yield. I fight back with what i have knowing this is not my end this lonely path where all doors seem to be shut and bolted with no way of opening from the outside, won’t stop me. NO matter how cold and alone afraid i am, no matter how bleak and dark, how much my body aches and cries, due to how heavy the weight of my limited items, and vast sadness and despair amounts to, with each step i take towards I’m not sure where. 

this darkness won’t kill me. Wont blind me and chill my soul, my body is stuck in one motion, forward.  
no one to help , that's fine, as much as i cry due to frustration, incompetence , regrets, and anger, i won’t back down, i see the future, i see myself in my safe place, i carry my faith in myself in the strength i have to keep going, tears shed and clouding my eyes won’t change a speck of it either, the cracks in my heart are just that cracks, the simple binds that keep me together forever warm and blazing, to keep most of myself warm, fingers and feet won't feel it any more but as long as my soul and my face strong and always up , resolve to continue, never shying away from the dark creatures that lurk in the streets beside me, in the crevice i find shelter in even for a moment. Won't stop me. even if my feet freeze and break in the cold frost bite seeping into them like glass i keep going even if i must crawl on my belly holding my faith my items and resolve, in my mouth i won’t let darkness blind me and swallow me up.

wishing to return to the false comfort i held with my 'family’, saw my pain and never once tried to help. Only let the blood run in a river, my mind played with my image distorted to the point where hate slept in my chest constantly. No. it was not safe it was not. IS NOT.HOME.

that is where I’m heading. Home. wondering with my broken crown with these ghosts i knew, where my heart will roar in hear flame of love and joy protection and shelter, i make my home however small, filled with warmth and love, a place where i can put part of my heart in and rejoice in the feeling of protection, comfort, love, safety, truth, kindness, the ghosts gone the darkness kept in its hole far away from me, the evils of the streets, i will no more toil in . be cast aside because i have no other options. 

I hold on to the vision of knowing i have it. no doubt in my mind. frozen tears permanently marked my face, won’t stop my smile, my laugh my joy, and me from spreading it.


End file.
